Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I like Your 'Socks'

I'm sort of having a love affair with each day of the week for totally different reasons, and no, I don't think they know about each other. But more on that later.

Wednesdays particularly weaken my knees because instead of going for a run on my lunch break, I go to the oasis of groceries: Smith's Marketplace. I love it here at this time of day because there are two groups of shoppers and two groups only: those who are on their lunch break, and those who are on their life-at-the-retirement-home break. Or as I like to call them: cadavers on Rascals.

The dynamic causes a ferocious climate around the store due to agendas. Group A would like to get out as soon as possible to move on with life, and group B (for obvious reasons) would not. And can not.

I'm indifferent because my main objective at Smith's is just to eat as many grapes as I can before they are weighed and paid for at the counter. But I feel as though I will be forced to choose sooner or later, and I'm afraid I'll have to turn my back on my fellow lunch-breakers. Because the last thing a lunch-breaker said to me was, "excuse me" so she could better be heard when barking, "hurry up, Buddy!" to Cute Corpse counting his dollar bills at check-out; and the last thing one of the cadavers said to me was, "I like your socks!" And I love it when old people refer to things like tights as things like socks. It's just endearing.

Sorry lunch-breakers. I respect you for your efficiency, but I'll probably be hanging in the incontinence section deliberating patterned tights and the ethics of eating candy out of the bulk bins for the next hour.

**Illustration/photograph by an ex-lover of mine. You don't mind, do you sweetheart?


InYourBoat said...

Just so you know, your #1 fan that you met that blessed 4th of July is still an avid reader. I mostly just wanted to say that this is an especially witty entry. Kudos.

Rebekah said...

you've befuddled more than one geriatric observer - remember the lady at church who asked if you could wear your tights more than once before you had to throw them out? disposable tights? come on, lady - this is a recession!

Crandallions said...

you tell the best stories, i love to hear your love affairs. you make life sound so exciting! let me know how the battle progresses.

Susie Pennell said...

This "ex-lover" sure looks like Blake.... what can I do to get you back together??

Love your writing. Don't stop!

Shake'N'Blake said...

after I drew that picture i went out and bought a striped shirt and a brown zip-up hoodie...true story