Monday, October 12, 2009

Dear John(ny)

I was four years old when my parents told me they were expecting their next and last baby. I remember being so repulsed by the whole idea that I swore off completely all the making out I had been doing with my three-year-old neighbor, Michael. Lest I find myself wrapped up in the same kind of "trouble."*

It wasn't a good start for Johnny. Before he was even born he had already robbed me of both my befitting role as youngest, and my pre-mature sex life. Thus the resentment roller coaster was born. On October 12, 1990 (1991?).

Resentment waned and morphed into amusement when he picked up the endearing habit of putting socks into his pants as a tail and growling at strangers in the grocery store. In third grade I wrote a poem about it and entered it into the young author's competition. When I lost, it was time for my muse to become the object of my resentment again. (Had I kept my rightful role of youngest, we'd know that blaming others for my personal rejection is just an unavoidable character flaw obtained from my birth order.)

Resentment probably flared back up again at 15 when he started dating a girl named Maggie born on June 16 (hey that's me!), but then burned back off again when he managed to be the only teenager in this decade to get arressted for stealing music by taking a CD from Best Buy in the greatest age of online music piracy. Since, my winning approval has been sealed by similarly cute little stunts I just can't help but h-e-a-r-t.

It's been a significant stretch since I've last resented the little compact disc, birth order bandit, and perhaps I'm adult enough to say Johnny, two thumbs up.  Welcome to adulthood.  If you weren't already there.  Again, I'm not sure.

*I think finding out you're pregnant at four and 40 are probably equally as horrifying... And insulting to nature.

7 comments:

kimmy said...

haha maggie i love this one!

Jane said...

Johnny is the greatest. The most pleasant house guest we've had in 1801 S. Sleeping like a champ on that cot. Uncle of the year with Max. Drool-worthy boyfriend.
Hey-I'd make out with him.

Rebekah said...

if there's anything i learned from breakfast at tiffany's, it's that stealing is not always about grabbing the goods you need. sometimes it's about keeping your edge. so i guess i salute you johnny - well done. although, officially, i disapprove

Kristine said...

johnny has got to move to UT.

Meg Fee said...

i'm the youngest and i used to have nightmares about my parents having another child (euf, what does this say about me?). but your brother sounds like the best and i wouldn't mind having one just like him (though my older brother is pretty good, too!)

em said...

hey at this rate I might be hittin that 40 yr old baby making mark. soooo. don't be grossed out if it happens.

filipendula, q.o.t.p. said...

we also h-e-a-r-t john (but we h-e-a-r-t-ed you first!)

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