I graduate soon, and with that apparently ensues the public's need to find out not only what I'm doing after graduation, but what I hope, (shudder) aspire, (grimace) and dream (wretch) to be and do with my new magical degree in English. So, here's a list of the lies that form somewhere in my subconscious and somehow bubble out of my mouth. Usually without my intentional consent. Notice that each one starts somewhere with a degree in English, and then is tweaked and stretched by each unique person forcing imaginary dreams out of my mouth, despite my claims of really, truly, not knowing what I am going or want to do.
**Caveat: As soon as the victim (played by me) says 'I don't know' in a conversation and the predator (most people at church and many members of my family) continues to push the questions further, this is defined as conversational rape, and I cannot be held responsible for any lie told after that. These are all true, fake dreams that I was forced into creating in the last week or two of being at home.
1. Writer for National Geographic's travel section. (Aren't they all travel sections? I don't even know.)
2. Working at a gym in London and traveling (haha. ha. haha.)
3. A writer and editor for NPR. (Yeah, the entire station. All of it.)
4. Really... I just want to be a mom! (This one is the pepper spray to my rape allegory. Stops any more questions immediately. Only useful in Relief Society though.)
5. Acquisitions editor for Random House (I've found that the multi-syllable "acquisitions" coupled with credible company "Random House" usually quiets a crowd)
6. Grad school (followed by where and what program, followed by I don't know, followed by but if you could go anywhere and be in any program followed by Arizona State, literature. Who knew I was even thinking about Arizona?)
And my personal favorite
7. Working for the olympics in the 2012 games in London.
I think this conversation was over at 'what's your major.'