I'm all for a person being in touch with his/her "inner child"... whatever... but there are just a few things I think we should have conquered as adults by this point. This point being... let's say... over 15.
Throwing up: Aside from food poisoning and freak-isolated incidences (and pregnancy), I think vomiting is strictly a child's ailment. Probably from playing with too many diseased bird feathers.
Still believing that bird feathers are disease-ridden.
Stepping in dog poo: There is absolutely no excuse for this. We are adults. Use a sidewalk.*
Scabbed-over mosquito bites: Come on. Practice some self-control.
Using more pleasant euphemisms for the word 'fart.' It is what it is and your mom was lying when she said it was a swear word.
Enjoying the taste of Capri Sun: Also goes for Sunny Delight (SunnyD!)... they both make me feel like I just snacked on Chapstick.
Sprinting: Unless you are at a gym or in some kind of sophisticated race... sprinting anywhere is just a bit shameful... unless of course someone is "timing" you. *That was a test*
I like things like chicken strips just as much as the next self-respecting adult, but there comes a time and place when we just need to buckle down and order the lobster.
*Credit to Kristine for bringing this to my attention
Monday, September 8, 2008
No one is fooling anyone with these top eight most common lies told in everyday life:
1. No, sorry, that was my last piece of gum.
2. No, I did call you back. It went straight to voicemail though.
3. Anything followed by the comment... well that's weird! (Stuck in a tricky spot where the truth will make you callous, rude, unlikable or just plain in trouble? Give a really crappy explanation and make up for the unbelievability by deeming it 'weird')
4. I'm so tired I don't even know what I'm saying.
5. Sorry, I'm just really bad with names (I use this one ALL the time... I have an excellent memory... for memorable people... that's just me being honest. Is that rude? Sorry, I'm just like, really tired.)
7. Anyone who coughs before they leave a room. Particularly a classroom. (An active, walking lie.)
8. I don't mean to be rude (this is always preceded by something rude... usually intentional... double lie.)
So you keep lying, I'll keep nodding (or vice versa), and we'll both live in a consensual world of blissful deceit.