Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Yesterday, sometime between 9 a.m., and 4 p.m. (or as I see it: Sometime between oatmeal o’clcok and pre-dinner grapefruit o’clock), our house was broken into. Viotlated. Robbed. Smashed. Wrecked. BLED ON. Panty raided.

My roommates’ laptop, laptop, and camera were stolen, and my laptop and tv had been taken. My underwear was strewn all across my floor, and at first I was flattered. But then after some heavy detective reasoning, and after finding an ugly earring on my floor, I deduced that the little pilferer in my room had been a tiny female. And then I just felt judged.

But then I felt flattered again when I heard Kristine describe my untouched and unscathed bike as being worth $2,000. I didn’t correct her. It is a beautiful bike…

My only fear from this experience is that I have become so critical of our thieves for being so sloppy (an earring?? Blood on my bed?? Come on, O.J.!) that I’ve given far too much thought on how to do it right. And no good can come of that.

But just for the record, I’d at least have a trademark. And that trademark would be stealing all the pencils in the house. And all those pencils would be kept in an unlocked safe in my house to confuse future burglars. And none of this would be disclosed on a public blog.


Sam and Livi said...

are you kidding me??? is this for real? i can't believe much for utah being safe. makes me want to get an alarm system.

p.s. yeah for grapefuit

Mary Jo said...

I wish bad things would happen to you more often and then you would blog more frequently.

becca b said...

i dream of being a thief--but only to see if i could get away with it and then give whatever i stole in the movies--actually, even being an actor doing this would be satisfactory.

sorry you guys got broken into--what a bummer.

Jess Mac said...

John Hendreicks was playing a sort of M.A.S.H. with me on Thurs, and one of my options was being married to a man who hoarded panties stolen from college girls. Shortly thereafter this happened to you... I think he might have something to do with it.