Monday, September 8, 2008

The Truth Hurts

No one is fooling anyone with these top eight most common lies told in everyday life:  

1.  No, sorry, that was my last piece of gum.
2.  No, I did call you back.  It went straight to voicemail though.
3.  Anything followed by the comment... well that's weird! (Stuck in a tricky spot where the truth will make you callous, rude, unlikable or just plain in trouble?  Give a really crappy explanation and make up for the unbelievability by deeming it 'weird') 
4.  I'm so tired I don't even know what I'm saying.
5.  Sorry, I'm just really bad with names (I use this one ALL the time... I have an excellent memory... for memorable people... that's just me being honest.  Is that rude?  Sorry, I'm just like, really tired.)
7.  Anyone who coughs before they leave a room.  Particularly a classroom.  (An active, walking lie.)
8.  I don't mean to be rude (this is always preceded by something rude... usually intentional... double lie.)

So you keep lying, I'll keep nodding (or vice versa), and we'll both live in a consensual world of blissful deceit.  


Jane said...

haha. remember when that guy in draper said his name "bank" was filled up about two years ago so he probably wouldn't remember our names. I thought it was too funny to be insulted and instead poked around his mansion and forgot to flush the toilet when I went to the bathroom. My bad. My manners "bank" was full two years ago.

Low Gain said...

I love you Maggie. here's some other lies we throw out there and receive with equal lack of guilt.

"Oh, yeah. My phone's been acting funny." (Used when you never wanted to respond to that text)

The universal "Oh yeah." when asked if you've read that book, seen that indie film or documentary, or heard that new band making a name for themselves. "Oh yeah." Nuff said. Clearly you're just as knowledgable as anyone else, and don't need to go into details to substantiate it.

And one of my favorites: "I'm not hungry." (Used at social get togethers where the suggestion to go get food is offered. Come on, we're growing adults. We're always hungry. We also poor college kids, we can understand when we're short on cash. But anyone who says they're not hungry is a liar. Or maybe I just have a tape worm inside me eating all my nutrients.)

Willard said...

"let's hang out...."

Dave said...

What about "... I'm just kidding", for example Jessica might say "Dave you really really need to do the dishes more... um just kidding". I guess that's more of a truth disguised as a lie or just a not funny joke. It's kind of a catch 22.

Mary Jo said...

Oh give us a new blog already, and do not tease us with an new logo

Bethany'sBazodi said...

i love you. Especially because I am the queen of dumb lill' lies. My family mocks me for preficing most of my comments with..."Not to be rude, but..."