Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Oh Grow Up

I'm all for a person being in touch with his/her "inner child"... whatever... but there are just a few things I think we should have conquered as adults by this point. This point being... let's say... over 15.

Throwing up: Aside from food poisoning and freak-isolated incidences (and pregnancy), I think vomiting is strictly a child's ailment. Probably from playing with too many diseased bird feathers.

Still believing that bird feathers are disease-ridden.

Stepping in dog poo:
There is absolutely no excuse for this. We are adults. Use a sidewalk.*

Scabbed-over mosquito bites: Come on. Practice some self-control.

Using more pleasant euphemisms for the word 'fart.'
It is what it is and your mom was lying when she said it was a swear word.

Enjoying the taste of Capri Sun: Also goes for Sunny Delight (SunnyD!)... they both make me feel like I just snacked on Chapstick.

Sprinting: Unless you are at a gym or in some kind of sophisticated race... sprinting anywhere is just a bit shameful... unless of course someone is "timing" you. *That was a test*

I like things like chicken strips just as much as the next self-respecting adult, but there comes a time and place when we just need to buckle down and order the lobster.

*Credit to Kristine for bringing this to my attention


Kristine said...

this is awesome maggie! i used to looove capri suns and sunny d but i Never crave that stuff. never. and i am turning into my mom. i hate the word fart. it is a gross word.

Jane said...

yet another genius post by ms. franz. Thanks for this. it made me laugh right out loud. loved the scabbed over mosquito bite one. TRue dat.

holli hale said...

man, I need to grow up.

Wes said...

i feel that the chicken strip comment is directed towards me.

Harpski said...

Sunny D was always a sorry excuse for orange juice and Capri Sun POUCHES? really? What self respecting adult would let their child drink out of a bag?

Hear, hear Maggie!

I love chicken strips, I could really go for some right now.

Christian said...

Maggie you are usually spot on but on this one you had some gaping errors. As one of the most mature people I know, I cannot remember a time where sprinting at every possible occasion didn't fill my heart with immediate and immeasurable joy. Also what if you are sprinting away from danger, is that too cool for grown ups to do? If so there would be a lot more dead grown ups. Also Sunny D has to be one of the most culinarily (is that even a real word, good thing making up fake words wasn't on your list) advanced and delicious summertime bevarages ever concocted. Heck you can even heat it up in winter time and throw in some cinnamon and you have a delectable winter treat.