Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thanksgiving Greivances-- (warning, this blog contains the word "secretions")

I don't Understand...:

--People who call Thanksgiving, "Turkey Day"
--Mass "Happy Turkey Day" texts
--Hatred of the word 'panties'... Not really apra pos for Thanksgiving, but an enigma all the same. I used to pretend not to like the word because I thought all girls had to hate it, but I really don't see the foul of it. There are much worse words out there like, for instance, the horrifying, "secretions."
--Those who despise egg nog. It's delicious! And tastes like Christmas and happiness! The only people who should be allowed to hate egg nog are orphans who don't know what those things taste like. Don't ever make an orphan drink egg nog. It's like letting a blind person see for a day, or getting a mormon drunk... it's just better if we don't know what we are missing.
--Why old people can't figure out the internet. It's just a double click, Grandpa. Hours should not be spent on the education of two swift movements of the index finger. It's not new material to my Grandpa, 65 years ago he was doing the same thing. Except instead of a button on a mouse, it was a trigger on a gun, and instead of a blue 'e' on the computer screen, it was a nazi, but come on! Same concept!
--Why "Alternative school" students get treated way better than the rest of the teen-aged population. My brother's "alternative school" gets Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow instead of class. Although, I'm not sure if I'm jealous yet because the students are in charge of making and bringing some dishes themselves... including the kids in isolation. If I wanted stuffing laced with half-rate cocaine and razor blades, I'd spend Thanksgiving on North Clay. But I don't, so I won't.
--Not Shopping on Black Friday.
--Why anyone even bothers with pieces of puppy chow (AKA muddy buddies) that aren't at least three times the size of a regular chex piece or clumped together in a delicous penut-buttery chocolate ball of ambrosia.
--Why 4/6 of my Turkey Day grievances had to do with food and the consumption thereof. Actually, I do get that, I'm just embarrassed about it.


KCannonM said...

maggie! AHH. you are hilarious. haha. i love the turkey day one. So True. What's with that? It's as stupid as saying "happy heart day" for valentines or "happy tree day" or "happy gifts day" for christmas.


Jane said...

and that is why I love you. The one thing I was thinkig about when you mentioned people who hate the word "panties" was how SOOO many people hate the word "moist"...it's like c'mon people...be creative...there has got to be more words in the world worse than "moist" yet everyone agrees on hating this word. thoughts?

-b said...

maggie I stopped reading at apra pos, because you used my word and spelled it wrong: apropos...now to continue on, I hope you've been shamed

-b said...

oh and as creative words that ppl hate: lozenge

No Where to Run ... said...

i love the word "panties" and but i hate shopping on black friday and i also hate egg nog. sorry, it's to thick for me to DRINK and too thin for me to CHEW.